Chapter 1:
The Two Parts of Every Successful Weight Loss Mindset

I used to believe that nutrition was the most important thing when it comes to accomplishing a weight loss goal. But after my own personal weight loss experience, and after coaching over 400 people 1-on-1 how to lose weight and keep it off, I no longer believe that is true.

I now believe there is one thing more important than both nutrition and exercise when it comes to accomplishing a weight loss goal. And I will boldly claim that if you do not have this one thing, then you will not accomplish your goal unless your weight loss was a forced situation and it was out of your willful control.

The one thing that is more important than both nutrition and exercise when it comes to accomplishing a weight loss goal is your mindset.

Very specifically, there are two parts that every successful weight loss journey must embrace. But before I reveal them, I’m going to share some personal things I’ve experienced that led me to believing this truth about mindset being the most important thing when it comes to accomplishing a weight loss goal, and how I’ve simplified it down to two main parts.

Before I became a weight loss coach, I was a Level 1 CrossFit coach. In total, I coached CrossFit classes for six years. Five of those years, I was also doing nutrition coaching and building the Calories & Confidence program.

During my time as a CrossFit coach, I saw some members come to the gym very consistently, five to six days a week, every week, for years. Yet, their bodies looked exactly the same each year. I watched these members put in the time, sweat, and dedication to intense exercise. They did not have a lack of effort. But they did have a lack of results. At least in the weight loss department. This experience led me to believe the famous saying “You can’t outwork a bad diet” and that nutrition was the most important thing when it came to accomplishing a weight loss goal. But then I experienced some new things that started to change this belief.

When I started the Calories & Confidence program, I had several members from CrossFit join Calories & Confidence as well. This felt like the perfect combination for success. These members now have an exercise plan and a nutrition plan. Surely they will start seeing some weight loss results. That’s what I believed. And for the most part, I was correct.

The members who were able to stick to their nutrition plan, whether they were consistently attending the gym or not, got great results. The members who were not able to stick to their nutrition plan, even despite being consistent in the gym, struggled to get good results. With this data, it was easy to falsely conclude that nutrition was the most important thing when it comes to accomplishing a weight loss goal. But it was my next experience that helped me understand what was really happening.

As I was able to successfully deliver results to Calories & Confidence clients, I started to get a lot of referrals. In fact, the first three years and growth of the program was 100% funded by referrals. This gave me my first experience of working with clients who either did not exercise or could not exercise. Their results were very similar to my CrossFit clients. Those who were able to stick to their nutrition plan got great results, even with no exercise. But those who were not able to stick to their nutrition plan struggled to get good results.

At this point, it would still seem logical to conclude that nutrition is the most important part of accomplishing a weight loss goal. I had the proof to support it. However, I collected a very important piece of data from all of the clients who couldn’t stick to their nutrition plan, both those who were exercising regularly and those who weren't, which ultimately changed my mind and the trajectory of how I taught weight loss from that point forward.

I am a strong believer that every person's nutrition plan needs to be 100% personalized to each individual. If everyone is following the same plan and some are able to stick to it because they enjoy the foods on the plan but others struggle with sticking to it because they don’t enjoy the foods on the plan, then the data is already biased. But with the data I collected, every person had a nutrition plan that was 100% personalized to them. So when they couldn’t stick to their plan, it wasn’t because they didn’t like the foods on their plan and therefore had a hard time sticking to it. It was much deeper than that.

So I would ask every client who couldn’t stick to their nutrition plan this one question: Why? What makes it hard for you to stick to your plan? Sometimes I would get some superficial answers, but when I dug deeper, the answer always led to the same thing in one manner or another. Mindset.

Now when I say mindset, I’m not talking about simply being motivated or using positive self talk. I’m talking about using specific mindset strategies for how to think through and overcome the challenges that tempt you to fall off track. Knowing how to think in a very strategic way that will keep you moving towards your weight loss goal.

Through all the conversations I had with my clients, I learned that I could give someone the perfect nutrition plan, the perfect exercise plan, the perfect meal prep plan, and everything else all 100% personalized to them, but if they didn’t have the proper mindset specifically for weight loss, it didn’t matter. At some point or another, they would end up falling off track and self sabotaging.

After experiencing this, I became fully convinced that developing proper mindset techniques specifically for weight loss is the most important thing when it comes to accomplishing a weight loss goal. So I went all in on developing a mindset component for the Calories & Confidence program. I invested in myself first with coaches, courses, and books. I sifted through all I learned and created a mindset development plan that focused specifically on weight loss to teach my clients.

Then, I immediately began restructuring the Calories & Confidence program and put this weight loss focused mindset work as the foundation of the program instead of nutrition. As a result, clients in all categories had an easier time sticking to their plans and results skyrocketed.

Our minds are fascinating and incredibly powerful. There are so many things you can learn about the mind, but when it comes to accomplishing a weight loss goal, I’ve narrowed it down to two simple parts.

The emotional part.
The factual part.

The successful weight loss mindset embraces both the emotional part of the mind and the factual part of the mind. The emotional part is for your confidence. The factual part is for your clarity. Both parts serve your weight loss goal in completely different ways, and both parts are required for you to be successful.

To reiterate the importance of these two things, the chances of you accomplishing your weight loss goal are slim to none if you do not understand and embrace these two parts of your weight loss mindset. I could give you the perfect calories, the perfect macronutrients (macros), and the perfect food strategies. Heck, I could even do all of your grocery shopping and meal prep for you. But if you don’t understand and implement these two parts of your weight loss mindset, it won’t matter.

Without the proper weight loss mindset, you will still find a way to self sabotage, make an excuse, and fall off the bandwagon yet again. Your mindset is the foundation to your successful weight loss journey and that is why we must start here. So then, how do you do that?

First, let me briefly explain what not to do. Here is a mindset that will set you up for complete failure. You say to yourself something like, “Alright, I’m just going to do it. On Monday, I am going to start eating better, exercising, etc. and I’m just going to suck it up buttercup and get it done.” This may sound pretty bold and determined, but this my friend, is a mindset for failure.

Does this mindset sound familiar to you? If so, did you end up accomplishing your weight loss goal? Since you’re reading this book, I’ll assume no. Also, I am 100% guilty of previously having that mindset. So if you said, yes, you are not alone. In fact, when I’ve hosted live weight loss workshops and asked that question, hands went up everywhere. It’s easy to fall into this mindset, but we know it doesn’t work.

We’re not superhuman. We’re just human. Thinking that we are not going to have any challenges is a setup for failure. Thinking that when challenges arise, we’re just going to have unlimited amounts of willpower and discipline in those moments to overcome them is also a set up for failure. Instead, we need to humbly accept that we are going to have moments of weakness. We must accept that challenges are going to come and they are going to be hard.

Most importantly, we need to have the proper skills and behaviors developed before those challenges come and before you even start your weight loss journey. Learning how to embrace both the emotional and factual part of your weight loss mindset will do just that.

The Emotional Part of the Successful Weight Loss Mindset:
The emotional part of your mindset is the most important part for being able to overcome the challenges when they arise. We are emotional beings. We experience change through our emotions. I am willing to bet that anytime you willfully experienced a change in your life, it was emotionally driven. It could be something with your finances, with your relationships, with your health, etc.

If you think back and assess your emotional state when you experienced these changes, you will be able to identify some specific emotions you had. They could be emotions of joy, anger, sadness, love, nervousness, anything. Our emotions are what drive us to experience change, whether good or bad.

When you are in the midst of trying to accomplish a weight loss goal, and the challenges arise, tapping into the emotional part of your mindset will be crucial for your success. To overcome a challenge, you must break through comfort zones. It is not possible to experience change by staying the same and repeating the actions and behaviors that you are familiar with.

When a challenge comes, you will be on the edge of a comfort zone. In that moment, you will either do what you normally do, and experience the same result you’ve always gotten. Or you will use the emotional part of your mindset to tap into the necessary behaviors to break through that comfort zone, overcome the challenge, and experience a new result.

So how do you do this? First, here’s how not to do this: Focus on your weight. This is another setup for failure. When you allow your mind to be consumed with your weight and the number you want to see on the scale, you will lose because your focus is on the wrong thing. Let me prove it to you with what I call “The Sticky Note Scenario.”

The Sticky Note Scenario:
Have you ever set a weight loss goal with a very specific number that you wanted to achieve? Then you put that number everywhere as a reminder so it was constantly on your mind? Maybe you put a sticky note on your fridge, your cupboards, or your mirror. Maybe you changed the screen on your phone or computer to be a constant reminder. Now here’s the big question: Did you do it?

Did you accomplish your goal as a result of those actions? I am willing to bet your answer is no. When I’ve hosted live weight loss workshops and asked this question, everyone’s head would be shaking “no.” Mine included, because I have done this and still not accomplished my goal too.

So why didn’t it work? Because the number on the scale will never be a strong enough motivator to drive you to accomplish your goal. The number on the scale is a piece of the factual part of the weight loss mindset, which I’ll talk about next. But it is not what will give you the strength to break through your personal comfort zones and overcome your challenges. Only the emotional part of your mindset will do that.

And to leverage the power of your emotional mindset so you can have the necessary willpower or discipline in the moments you need it, you must identify one very important thing: Who it is you must become in the process of achieving your goal.

Accomplishing a weight loss goal is not about the goal itself. It’s about who you must become in the process of achieving your goal. This is a critical piece you must understand and embrace if you want to be successful.

The actual moment of accomplishing your goal is achieved and gone in the same moment. Once you get there, congrats! Now what? If you haven’t developed the proper mindset and behaviors through the process of achieving your goal, then it will be way too easy for you to fall back into old habits and regain the weight back, yet again.

To tap into the emotional part of your mindset, you must identify the things that really matter the most to you. It’s your values, your beliefs, your integrity. It’s what is in your heart of hearts and your strongest convictions. This is where your confidence is.

Tapping into the emotional part of your mindset is all about pulling out the confidence you need. When you are confident, you are strong. People can say or do things to you and it will have little influence on you. When you are deeply confident, you are unstoppable. So get clear on what things truly matter the most to you. Is it leading by example for your kids? Is it having strong integrity? Is it having a hard work ethic? Only you know the answers.

Then, get really clear on who you must become in the process of achieving your goal. Do you need to be a person who is consistent? Do you need to be the person who finishes what they start? Do you need to be a person who does their grocery shopping and meal prep on the same day every week? The only right answers here are the ones that are personal to you.

Next, you need to know how you are going to overcome your challenges before they even arise. Here’s an analogy I share with all my clients when just getting started to help further reiterate the importance of their mindset work. I call it the marathon analogy.

The Marathon Analogy:
Imagine you are registered for a marathon for the first time ever. You are committed to running 26.2 miles. If you have made this commitment, would you just show up on the day of the race and say, “Okay, let’s figure out how to complete these 26.2 miles?” No way! What would you do instead? You would start training well in advance so that when it is time to run the marathon, you are ready both physically and mentally. This is no different than trying to achieve a weight loss goal.

A marathon is a type of challenge. A weight loss goal is a type of challenge. Both have a timeline. When you sign up for a marathon, there is a date on the calendar when you are committed to completing the race. When you commit to achieving a weight loss goal, there will also be a date on the calendar marking the end of your weight loss phase. (I will be teaching the importance of this in Chapter 3.)

Just as you would train for the marathon, you will also need to train for your weight loss goal. When the challenges arise, if you haven’t done the mental work first, then you will be purely relying on your willpower to figure out how to overcome that challenge in the moment. Like not training for a marathon and just showing up on the day of the race. Not a smart move.

Willpower is exhaustive. You can drain your willpower. Let’s say you’re in the midst of trying to accomplish your weight loss goal. You had a long and stressful day for whatever reason. Then suddenly, you find yourself encountering a challenge. Maybe it’s the thought of just grabbing fast food on the way home because you now have no desire to cook. Maybe it’s a random dinner invite from a friend. It could be anything. If you don’t do the proper mindset training beforehand, then the chances of you overcoming that challenge in the moment are quite slim.

You must train for your weight loss goal as you would train for a marathon. You don’t just let the challenge arise and then try to figure out how you are going to have the willpower in the moment to overcome it. You put in the necessary work beforehand so that when you are faced with a challenge, you are prepared and know exactly how you will overcome it.

Before you go any further, I encourage you to stop reading and start writing. Think through and write down the details of:

What things really matter the most to you. (Think values, beliefs, integrity.)
Example: I value leading by example for my kids to learn healthy habits.

Who you must become in the process of achieving your goal.
Example: I must become the person who keeps the promises I make to myself and finish what I start.

All the challenges you may face while trying to lose weight and what you will do in those moments to overcome them.
Example: Challenge: Temptation to eat from the concession stand at my kids sports games. What I will do: I will pack my own food and eat what I packed instead of eating from the concession stand.

It is inevitable that challenges will arise during your weight loss journey. When they do, you will need to do the mental work of revisiting these things to put you in the emotional state required to break through your comfort zones and thus, experience a new result instead of conforming to old habits.

Throughout the rest of this book, I will be referencing different ways of implementing the emotional mindset work. Be on the lookout for them. It is a crucial part of your successful weight loss journey.

The Factual Part of the Successful Weight Loss Mindset:
The factual part of your mindset is the most important part for clearly being able to identify the truth and reality of your current situation without the deception of your emotions. It allows you to see the truth of your situation despite how you feel about your situation.

Whether you want to believe it or not, your feelings and emotions deceive you all the time. Understanding and embracing the factual part of your mindset is crucial for debunking any myths you may be believing and relieving any false feelings of frustration. Let me give some examples to help explain.

Example #1:
Many people give up on accomplishing their weight loss goal because they “feel” like it’s not working. They feel like they are doing all the right things, yet they think their weight is not moving or it’s moving too slow to really make a difference. So they give up because they feel that their efforts are not worth it. But the data in which they are evaluating their progress is flawed. They may be perfectly on track to accomplishing their weight loss goal but then give up because they “felt” like it wasn’t working.

Example #2:
Sometimes people will have a day where they do everything right. They ate healthy, drank their target amount of water, ate their target amount of calories, exercised according to plan, and got eight hours of sleep. They’re feeling like a champion, and then they step on the scale the next morning and see that their weight is way up.

Now suddenly they’re feeling like, “What the heck! I did everything right. Ughhhh!” Then they abandon ship because they “feel” like it’s not working. When in reality, they were perfectly on track to accomplishing their weight loss goal, and probably even on the fast track of doing so, but their feelings and flawed evaluation of progress caused them to give up yet again.

In both of these examples, there are some key pieces of data you must evaluate to see the truth despite any emotions or feelings you may be experiencing. In nearly every example imaginable, knowing the facts comes down to knowing your numbers. I’ll be teaching you exactly how to know your numbers in Chapter 3.

Learning how to separate the facts from feelings in your weight loss journey is a skill you must develop if you want to be successful.

If you don’t, you will likely always rely on your emotions to validate your progress. This is a setup for failure and I likely don’t need to tell you why. You already know that trying to lose weight is a very emotional journey. But again, your emotions will lie to you and deceive you. The facts will always give you the truth and clarity you need to know to understand exactly where you are right now and exactly what your next step should be to keep you moving forward.

Throughout the rest of this book, I will show you several different ways how to separate the emotions from the facts. Be on the lookout for them. Developing the skill of how to separate the emotions from the facts is the most important part of your weight loss journey.

If You Want to See a Change, You Must Be Willing to Make a Change:
If you want to change your body, you have to change your mind first. Why? Because your body follows your mind. Understanding and embracing both the emotional and factual part of your mindset is the necessary work you must do before you start anything else with trying to accomplish your weight loss goal. Your mindset is the foundation of your success. If you skip this part, you are trying to cheat your way through the process and we already know how that turns out in the end.

Quick Recap Comparing the Emotional and Factual Mindset:
So remember, the emotional part of your mindset is for your confidence. The factual part is for your clarity. You need the confidence to overcome the challenges that will arise throughout the weight loss process, and you need to rely on the facts to debunk any myths that your feelings may deceive you into believing. Both the emotional and factual mindset work needs to be done before you start your weight loss journey and it continues every day of working towards your weight loss goal. Don’t skip the mindset work. It’s the most important part of your entire weight loss journey.

Key Chapter Takeaways: 

• Developing the proper weight loss mindset is more important than anything else when it comes to accomplishing your weight loss goal.
• Humbly accept that you are not superhuman, that your willpower is exhaustive, and that you will have challenges in the process of trying to achieve your goal.
• The successful weight loss mindset embraces both the emotional part of the mind and the factual part of the mind.
• The emotional part of your mind is for your confidence. The factual part of your mind is for your clarity.
• If you want to change your body, you have to change your mind first because your body follows your mind.